do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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