8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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