nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
