You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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