Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
