Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
