so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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