I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
