You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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