I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
