True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
