I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
