I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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