i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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