I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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