So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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