My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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