new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
