I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
