I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
