Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
