Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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