I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
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Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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