Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
