no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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