I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
