just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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