walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
