wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
