Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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