Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
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She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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