Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
