The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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