i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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