I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
