It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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