I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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