fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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