I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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