Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
