Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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