i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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