I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
