i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
