the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
only if we run a train.
done.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
