i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
