doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
