Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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