dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
