i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
