i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
