He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
