Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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