I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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