I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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