my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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