Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
