my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
