ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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