Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I want to be your penis for a week.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
