Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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