What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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