Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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