He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
