i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
there is puke in my bra ... again
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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