I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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