My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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