I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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