Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
