are you so shy because you have an std?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
