So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
