we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
