Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
