getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
