I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
